WEEK 23: What If Your Panic Is Just Loyalty in Disguise?

Ever feel like a golden retriever trapped in a panic loop?

Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken - It’s Barking

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re not crazy.

You’re just caught in a loop — and no one ever taught you how to see it, let alone shift it.

Fight, flight, freeze... Most people think these are emergencies.

But as we uncovered back in Week 7 - “Regulate before you escalate” - they’re often the background hum of modern life. Subtle. Chronic. Invisible.

That low-grade tension.

That sense your foot’s always half on the gas — even when you’re standing still.

Week 14 reminded us that “putting peace on your calendar” isn’t self-indulgent. It’s design. But even with scaffolding in place (Week 17 - “A good system makes you feel held”), your nervous system still asks:

“Am I safe?”

The Bark Is Love. The Loop Is Protection.

You don’t need to fight your nervous system. You don’t need to fix it.

You need to translate it.

Same as Week 11 — “Discipline is design, not force” — but now aimed inward. You’re not forcing the dog. You’re learning to guide it.

Imagine your nervous system as a loyal golden retriever. It’s barking because it loves you.

It just doesn’t always know the difference between the mailman and a real threat.

If you yell at the dog - it barks louder.

If you ignore it - it spirals.

But if you leash it, offer a cue, and walk - it settles.

When the Golden Gets Miserable

I know this one too well.

I’m the youngest in my family - the golden retriever who learned that being useful, helpful, and likable was how you earned love.

It made me a killer employee. Reliable. Adaptive. Exactly what the system rewarded.

It also made me quietly miserable. And what happens to a miserable golden? They get fat. Right?

Yeah… well, this golden got to 287 pounds.

Food was comfort. Overworking was survival.

But here’s what I learned the hard way - and what now forms the spine of everything I teach:

Self-care isn’t a reward. It’s protocol.

This isn’t for narcissists.

It’s for recovering high-performing pleasers.

You first. Always.

Same truth as Week 3 - “Sustainability isn’t optional” - but now inside the body.

TL;DR — Listen to This One

This week’s TL;DR is a spoken word companion to the newsletter.

If you process better through voice, rhythm, and tone — or just want to hear this reframed in real time — hit play.

It’s not a summary.

It’s the newsletter… spoken differently.

Why the Pace Is Deliberate

Let’s name something quietly, before we go any further.

If you come at this head-on — your ego will revolt.

It will either dismiss it:“This isn’t me. I don’t need this.”

Or hijack it:

“Perfect. Another thing to master. Another thing to optimize.”

Both are nervous system defenses. Both keep the old loop alive.

This work doesn’t respond to force.

It responds to relationship.

The pace here isn’t slow because it’s soft.

It’s slow because it’s the only way this works.

🧠 The Science Behind the Side Door:

• Your prefrontal cortex - the rational, planning part of your brain - goes offline when the nervous system enters fight, flight, or freeze.

• No amount of thinking, forcing, or “figuring it out” can change the state when that happens.

• What does change the state?

  
  

  → Bottom-up signals. 

  • Small, sensory cues.

  • Gentle pattern interruptions.

  • Movement.

  • Breath.

  • Naming.

  • Touch.

  • Safety.

    
    

This is why brute-force self-regulation never works.

The nervous system doesn’t respond to commands.

It responds to felt safety.

And felt safety?

It can’t be faked.

It can’t be bullied into existence.

It has to be offered.

Slowly. Gently. Consistently.

This is also why trauma patterns are so sticky.

They’re not cognitive errors.

They’re biological efficiencies.

A nervous system doing its job perfectly - predicting danger based on past data.

If you try to “win” at this…

you’ll end up right back where you started - performing regulation instead of embodying it.

So the pace here is deliberate.

Not to coddle. Not to delay.

But because your nervous system doesn’t trust force.

The animal doesn’t respond to threat. It responds to leadership.

This is why we sneak up on the pattern.

Not to bypass it - but to invite it into something new.

The Nervous System Animal Decoder

Here’s how to translate the bark into a leash.

First, let’s be clear.

This isn’t about making your nervous system the enemy.

The dog isn’t separate from you.

The animal isn’t broken.

It is you.

The part that learned to survive in a noisy, unpredictable world.

When we say “lead the animal,” we’re not creating distance to control it.

We’re creating just enough space to redirect with care.

Not to dominate. Not to suppress.

To experiment. To steer.

And yes - sometimes you look down and realize...

• The coat’s gotten mangy.

• The ribs are showing.

• Or the belly’s gotten heavy.

That’s not shame.

That’s data.

A snapshot in time.

Information - not identity.

A cue for gentle adjustment.

Same as Week 8 - “Small levers move big systems” - but now applied to your nervous system.

Sovereign Inside the Storm

You don’t regulate to become smaller.

You regulate to become sovereign inside the storm.

Yes - with this toolkit, you might be able to handle more chaos.

But now it’s a conscious choice.

Not a trauma reflex.

Not a survival default.

Not over-functioning disguised as competence.

You are no longer drowning in the water.

You are choosing when - and how - to swim.

This is the internal twin to Week 20 - “Close the barn. Let them rest.”

Except this time, the barn is you.

Try It. Check the Field. Adjust.

A simple protocol for when the spiral starts:

1. Name the animal.

   “Oh hey, Scout. You’re doing your thing again.”

   
   

2. Label the flavor.

   “Ah - this is Flight. Yep. I’m halfway out the door mentally.”

   
   

3. Offer a leash.

   “Let’s walk it off. Two laps. One song. Check the field again.”

   
   

And if it doesn’t fully work the first time — that’s not failure.

It’s feedback.

Check the field again. Adjust.

You’re not suppressing it.

You’re not overriding it.

You’re co-regulating.

The animal trusts you - if you show leadership, not control.

The Animal Learns What You Lead

It doesn’t know the difference between thunder and a stranger at the door.

But you do.

You don’t sedate it.

You don’t ignore it.

You clip the leash on. You say, “Let’s go.”

You show it what’s real. What’s safe. What’s not.

That’s nervous system fluency.

The internal skill that matches all the external scaffolding we’ve been building this Growth Season.

Anchor It Deep

Lead the Animal.

If You Want to Go Deeper

• Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve - Stanley Rosenberg

• The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory - Stephen Porges

• No Bad Parts - Richard Schwartz

Let the Soft Animal of Your Body Love What It Loves

“You do not have to be good.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.”

- Mary Oliver

This isn’t about taming your body.

It’s about trusting it - while learning how to lead it.

The Field Check Never Ends

Every time you feel yourself flinch, rush, collapse, or freeze - pause.

Ask with genuine curiosity?

“What are you trying to protect me from?”

Then - lead the animal.

Not to banish it.

Not to override it.

Just to shift.

This is the difference between being at the mercy of life…

And walking through it with sovereignty.

Tend. Adjust. Lead the Animal.

We’re nearing the close of Root and Regulate.

The scaffolding is built. The edges are clear.

And if it feels like things are quieting down…

if the ground feels still…

That’s not the end. It’s the turn.

Next week we’ll reframe the plateau - not as stuck, but as ready.

A signal to stay steady.

To let the next season - Bloom & Express - meet you right on time.

The shoots are ready.

The field is prepared.

Still walking the field together.